Everyone must have a post that celebrates Xmas. You know, being Jewish, I'm supposed to not like it, but I do enjoy some elements of the holiday. Here's the list:
Drinking Hot Alcohol- Apple jacks, hot toddies, warm brandy, Irish coffee, hot buttered rum, British style Guiness, mead wine, it's all awesome. There is nothing better than warming yourself and getting hammered. It's a short term solution everyone can appreciate.
Spending time with your family- You know, they are alright. Especially when tore up about hot booze. Plus I now have a niece and nephew (in-law), and teaching them how to fart on cue is something I'm looking very much forward to.
Appetizers- When your relatives can cook, it's the best thing in the world. All sorts of cheese and pastry. It's not just slicing up a summer sausage and a block of sharp cheddar (damnit mom, I feel so deprived).
Egg Nog- A lot of people don't like egg nog. To them I say, "Fuck off, haters." It's one of the most delectable beverages you can have. As Dave Attell said, "You know, I want to get a little drunk, but I also want pancakes."
Watching people shop- I personally like shopping, because I'm very efficient. I get a sales person, if they don't have what I want, fuck them. If they do, good, you get the commission. But it's fun to watch people get frazzled. No, foot locker won't have your Nintendo Wii for your bastard child. I also love those couples that you can tell just got done fighting in the parking lot, and not talking to each other, but you can see they hate the shit out of each other. It's a thing of beauty.
Making fun of Christmas Songs- Hey Band Aid (first off, nice fucking name. You think you could get anymore punny or obvious?), of course there is no snow in Africa this Christmas. It's in the fucking Southern Hemisphere. It's fucking summer there right now. Plus the majority of the continent is hot. Stupid fucks.
And fucking Christmas Shoes. NewSong came out with this piece of shit in 2002, and you can't fucking escape it. I'll go through the story in case you haven't been forced to listen to the radio in the past 5 years. A kid's mom is dying, and he doesn't have enough money to buy her a pretty pair of shoes. He starts begging, and some sap from NewSong ponies up the cash. Isn't Christmas the time where we don't depress the shit out of each other? Besides, I personally think he used it for smack.
Anyway, let me get this straight. Your poor mom is dying, and you think a pair of shoes which will probably dig into her feat making them uncomfortable will cheer her up. Secondly, when she dies, do you really think she wears what she died in to go to heaven. When she meets Jesus, she'll be poking some holes in some clouds with those damn shoes. It's ridiculous, and depressing as fuck.
So for X-mas, we got an interview with Bill Hall about what he likes about X-mas. My fiance' just pointed out how funny it is to be depressed since there is no Brewers news in like, a week. You got your DVR to record your court shows, I don't want to hear it. I want some real fucking moves damnit. Anyway, here's the interview. Have a great holidays everyone.
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