It's time for a review of all of the Brewers off-season moves. They will be graded on a 1-5 ham scale, in honor of Prince's reward for every home run he hits.
Traded Johnny Estrada for Guillermo Mota
Was this really an improvement? I know Mota throws (more likely past tense threw) hard, but he did melt down late in the season. And later, the Mets non-tendered Estrada, so basically they just stuck us with Mota's contract. Now he could bounce back to '03 form, but he's been getting progressively worse since then. Now he could be a ROOGY, but more likely, he'll just suck. But then again, we got rid of our base-clogging, first pitch swinging, can't throw anyone out, clubhouse asshat of a catcher, so it's not too bad.
Rating:
Signed Jason Kendal:
So we get rid of our suck ass catcher, only to bring in a guy who's actually worse? What kind of glue was Melvin sniffing? Seriously, this guy is worse than Neifi Perez, he's not even good at defense. Didn't we make fun of the scrubs for picking this guy up last year? Man, what a horrible move.
Rating:
And it's week old ham.
Traded Marino Salas and Kevin Roberts for Solomon Torres:
So we give up 2 minor leaguers for an actually good pitcher at a below market contract? See, Pittsburgh basically made Torres sit down and watch 2 girls 1 cup on this one. They said, "Sure, we'll rent out your field in the shithole country you live in." Then they don't do it. What a fuck you to your work horse. How many losing seasons do they have in a row? Business like this is why.
Rating:
Signed David Riske to a 3-year deal
I have a theory that set-up men's performance are like sine waves. Riske is a perfect example. Just check out his year by year performance: '01- Out of this world amazing, '02- Blew goats, '03- Pretty fucking great, '04- Not terrible, but just good, '05- Just good, '06- pretty much the same as '04, '07- Back to pretty fucking great. My guess is we may see him blow goats again, but then thats just me waiting for palindromes.
Rating:
Signed Eric Gagne to a 1 year deal
I like the fact that he sucked in Boston in the second half. I guess I just don't like Boston because I can envision them being the white people in the Dave Chappelle Racial Draft skit holding up the sign, "we're so cool, we're white!" Will Leitch had a great piece on why no one should root for the Sawx on the New York Times website. No, that was not a shameless plug to get linked, but hey, couldn't hurt. Someone might actually read this. Thanks for the support, honey. Anyway, Gagne won't be that bad, but if he's Texas good, the Brewers will be very very happy.
Rating:
And now, the ratings of the guys we let go:
Francisco Cordero:
So he was a damn good closer, and pretty much didn't want to be here. But making us think Turnbow was going to be the closer for about a month and a half? That was something I couldn't take. Plus he signed with the Reds, which is wonderful that we still get to see him 18-20 times next year, and that we only get their 2nd round pick.
Rating:
Just because we got Gagne
Scott Linebrink:
We gave up our 2nd best pitching prospect for a reliever who is no longer elite, just good. But hey, we got the White Sox 2nd rounder... great. Bad trade, but I'm glad we're not over paying for him, just Mota, and Gagne, and probably Riske, and Suppan, and Kendal...
Rating:
For letting him go.
Johnny Estrada:
Apparently he was Santorum in the clubhouse and behind the plate, and just shit at it. Fuck him then.
Rating:
Geoff Jenkins:
This would be a bigger loss if he wasn't misused for the past 2 years, but he still pissed me off. Good luck in Philly.
Rating:
For not living up to his hype in that 1998 Brewers preview from SI. I remember Jinx.
Kevin Mench:
If anyone signs this guy, I'll be shocked. Then again, I was shocked that we signed Kendal.
Rating:
Bye Shrek. Don't let the door hit you in the giant fucking head on the way out.
Matt Wise:
We let this guy go and kept Mota. I suppose he's been ineffective after planting a ball in that guy on the Reds' face. But still, we kept Mota.
Rating:
He signed a smaller deal with the Mets. Fucking Mota.
And thats how I rate the Brewers performance thus far in the off-season.
Average Rating:
That's 3.27 hams, an above average Rating
Traded Johnny Estrada for Guillermo Mota
Was this really an improvement? I know Mota throws (more likely past tense threw) hard, but he did melt down late in the season. And later, the Mets non-tendered Estrada, so basically they just stuck us with Mota's contract. Now he could bounce back to '03 form, but he's been getting progressively worse since then. Now he could be a ROOGY, but more likely, he'll just suck. But then again, we got rid of our base-clogging, first pitch swinging, can't throw anyone out, clubhouse asshat of a catcher, so it's not too bad.
Rating:
Signed Jason Kendal:
So we get rid of our suck ass catcher, only to bring in a guy who's actually worse? What kind of glue was Melvin sniffing? Seriously, this guy is worse than Neifi Perez, he's not even good at defense. Didn't we make fun of the scrubs for picking this guy up last year? Man, what a horrible move.
Rating:
And it's week old ham.Traded Marino Salas and Kevin Roberts for Solomon Torres:
So we give up 2 minor leaguers for an actually good pitcher at a below market contract? See, Pittsburgh basically made Torres sit down and watch 2 girls 1 cup on this one. They said, "Sure, we'll rent out your field in the shithole country you live in." Then they don't do it. What a fuck you to your work horse. How many losing seasons do they have in a row? Business like this is why.
Rating:
Signed David Riske to a 3-year deal
I have a theory that set-up men's performance are like sine waves. Riske is a perfect example. Just check out his year by year performance: '01- Out of this world amazing, '02- Blew goats, '03- Pretty fucking great, '04- Not terrible, but just good, '05- Just good, '06- pretty much the same as '04, '07- Back to pretty fucking great. My guess is we may see him blow goats again, but then thats just me waiting for palindromes.
Rating:
Signed Eric Gagne to a 1 year deal
I like the fact that he sucked in Boston in the second half. I guess I just don't like Boston because I can envision them being the white people in the Dave Chappelle Racial Draft skit holding up the sign, "we're so cool, we're white!" Will Leitch had a great piece on why no one should root for the Sawx on the New York Times website. No, that was not a shameless plug to get linked, but hey, couldn't hurt. Someone might actually read this. Thanks for the support, honey. Anyway, Gagne won't be that bad, but if he's Texas good, the Brewers will be very very happy.
Rating:
And now, the ratings of the guys we let go:
Francisco Cordero:
So he was a damn good closer, and pretty much didn't want to be here. But making us think Turnbow was going to be the closer for about a month and a half? That was something I couldn't take. Plus he signed with the Reds, which is wonderful that we still get to see him 18-20 times next year, and that we only get their 2nd round pick.
Rating:
Just because we got GagneScott Linebrink:
We gave up our 2nd best pitching prospect for a reliever who is no longer elite, just good. But hey, we got the White Sox 2nd rounder... great. Bad trade, but I'm glad we're not over paying for him, just Mota, and Gagne, and probably Riske, and Suppan, and Kendal...
Rating:
For letting him go.Johnny Estrada:
Apparently he was Santorum in the clubhouse and behind the plate, and just shit at it. Fuck him then.
Rating:
Geoff Jenkins:
This would be a bigger loss if he wasn't misused for the past 2 years, but he still pissed me off. Good luck in Philly.
Rating:
For not living up to his hype in that 1998 Brewers preview from SI. I remember Jinx.Kevin Mench:
If anyone signs this guy, I'll be shocked. Then again, I was shocked that we signed Kendal.
Rating:
Bye Shrek. Don't let the door hit you in the giant fucking head on the way out.Matt Wise:
We let this guy go and kept Mota. I suppose he's been ineffective after planting a ball in that guy on the Reds' face. But still, we kept Mota.
Rating:
He signed a smaller deal with the Mets. Fucking Mota.And thats how I rate the Brewers performance thus far in the off-season.
Average Rating:
That's 3.27 hams, an above average Rating
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