The home opener. The beer, the tailgates, the people paying to conveniently pee. There's no better day of the year, or a better opener in MLB.
There was no better team to face that the San Fran Giants. These guys are a collection of aging, overpriced outfielders, a good young rotation, and absolutely no punch in the lineup what so ever. On the plus side, they do have a guy who's name is pronounced You Hay Nee Yo. So from here on out, they are now known as the Fighting Youhayneos.
The crew put on a display with Generically named third baseman leading the charge with two homers and 6 RBI. Villy proved himself as a very good MLB starter with 6 innings of great pitching, and Gagne's beard did not need to be in the game as the crew blew out the fighting Youhaneos 13-4. I don't feel like being funnier right now.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Game 3- Bushwhacked
The Brewers lost, and Dave Bush, in addition to lucking like a deranged lumberjack, got knocked around. But all that does not matter. Check out what happened when Rickie got sick of hitting by cubs pitchers:
That works.
And what's up with Prince's pants? It looks like two blue traffic columns are holding up sacks of Gyro meat shanks. Just sayin'.
That works.
And what's up with Prince's pants? It looks like two blue traffic columns are holding up sacks of Gyro meat shanks. Just sayin'.
Game 2- The Exposing of Ted Lilly
This is Ted Lilly, according to most sources, the #2 pitcher for the Cubs, and a great pitcher.
I maintain that most experts are full of shit, and that Ted Lilly wilts for 2 years before having a good year (see what I did there... he wilts... nevermind). I am of the opinion that he sucks, and that last year was an anomaly. As proof. I present the first pitch he threw on the season to Rickie, who jacked it out of Wrigley.
As a side note, Cubs current owner Sam Zell is going to change the name of the hell hole that is Wrigley. I say go for it. Make some money Sammy. Who cares about tradition when you can sell the name to a rival gum company.
Anyway, the crew chased lilly in the 5th and scored some ticky tack runs throught the game to take it 8-2. Nothing really worth mentioning except that Jason Kendal had his 3rd multiple extra base hit game in 3 years. Good for him. Maybe he'll be an average NL catcher, which is still a .239 hitter.
I maintain that most experts are full of shit, and that Ted Lilly wilts for 2 years before having a good year (see what I did there... he wilts... nevermind). I am of the opinion that he sucks, and that last year was an anomaly. As proof. I present the first pitch he threw on the season to Rickie, who jacked it out of Wrigley.
As a side note, Cubs current owner Sam Zell is going to change the name of the hell hole that is Wrigley. I say go for it. Make some money Sammy. Who cares about tradition when you can sell the name to a rival gum company.
Anyway, the crew chased lilly in the 5th and scored some ticky tack runs throught the game to take it 8-2. Nothing really worth mentioning except that Jason Kendal had his 3rd multiple extra base hit game in 3 years. Good for him. Maybe he'll be an average NL catcher, which is still a .239 hitter.
Opening Day- The Ben Sheets Toga Party
Well it's been too long. That's my fault. What are you gonna do. Anyway, let's go over the Opening Day against the godless, soulless, baby killing machines that are the baseball team from the north side of the mythical city of Chicago.
March 31- Opening Day, new hope, new faces, new lineups, same old rivalry. The first eight innings were a classic pitchers duel. Ben Sheets was practically unhittable (not a word, go fuck yourself for noticing). Unfortunately, the crew could not unhinge Zambrano. Here's one of the more memorable Zambrano meltdowns...
Ahh... good times...
Anyway, he was dealing as well. The Brewers could only muster 3 hits and a walk. 5 Ks didn't help either.
The other issue was Kosuke Fukudome. That mother fucker would not get out all day. The only two hits Sheets gave up were to that import. Not to mention a walk. Good thing for us, no one else got a hit off Sheets, or Torres, or Mota, who was just nasty. Sheets was particularly great, going 6 and a third with 7 K's. The Cubs could do as much with that stuff as a Rock of Love girl could do with the SATs. It's good to see that 6.4 of our 25+ million dollar bullpen was working.
Which brings us to the Scrubs bullpen. Marmol was hard to hit as usual. The guy just can figure out the crew, who have hit .150 against him. But then, the Cubs savior, the unreliable Kerry Wood came out in the top of the 9th. All of the season previews from the pundits have chosen the Cubs because they feel Kerry Wood is more reliable than Eric Gagne... Let's see what happens:
- Weeks hit by pitch
- TGJr sacrifices him over to 2nd
- Fielder intentionally walked
- Braun singles, Weeks Scores, Fielder to 2nd
- Hall k's
- Hart doubles, Fielder Scores, Braun Scores
Yeah, thats about right for a savior. But unfotunately, Gagne debuted his new beard. Let's look at that bad boy...
Man, thats just lazy. It's not a worthwhile beard. Thats just not shaving for a week. And judging by the first three hitters, looks like the laziness continued. Lee singled, Ramirez walked, and Fucking Domee homered. I hate that guy now. I just take solace in the fact that he'll never see the majority of his family and friends ever again, being that Russia will probably nuke them over NATO inclusions.
Anyway, Councell doubled, weeks got hit by a pitch, and TGJr hit a sac fly to give the crew the lead in the 10th, and Riske shut them down. Nothing like getting the year started with a great win.
March 31- Opening Day, new hope, new faces, new lineups, same old rivalry. The first eight innings were a classic pitchers duel. Ben Sheets was practically unhittable (not a word, go fuck yourself for noticing). Unfortunately, the crew could not unhinge Zambrano. Here's one of the more memorable Zambrano meltdowns...
Ahh... good times...
Anyway, he was dealing as well. The Brewers could only muster 3 hits and a walk. 5 Ks didn't help either.
The other issue was Kosuke Fukudome. That mother fucker would not get out all day. The only two hits Sheets gave up were to that import. Not to mention a walk. Good thing for us, no one else got a hit off Sheets, or Torres, or Mota, who was just nasty. Sheets was particularly great, going 6 and a third with 7 K's. The Cubs could do as much with that stuff as a Rock of Love girl could do with the SATs. It's good to see that 6.4 of our 25+ million dollar bullpen was working.
Which brings us to the Scrubs bullpen. Marmol was hard to hit as usual. The guy just can figure out the crew, who have hit .150 against him. But then, the Cubs savior, the unreliable Kerry Wood came out in the top of the 9th. All of the season previews from the pundits have chosen the Cubs because they feel Kerry Wood is more reliable than Eric Gagne... Let's see what happens:
- Weeks hit by pitch
- TGJr sacrifices him over to 2nd
- Fielder intentionally walked
- Braun singles, Weeks Scores, Fielder to 2nd
- Hall k's
- Hart doubles, Fielder Scores, Braun Scores
Yeah, thats about right for a savior. But unfotunately, Gagne debuted his new beard. Let's look at that bad boy...
Man, thats just lazy. It's not a worthwhile beard. Thats just not shaving for a week. And judging by the first three hitters, looks like the laziness continued. Lee singled, Ramirez walked, and Fucking Domee homered. I hate that guy now. I just take solace in the fact that he'll never see the majority of his family and friends ever again, being that Russia will probably nuke them over NATO inclusions.
Anyway, Councell doubled, weeks got hit by a pitch, and TGJr hit a sac fly to give the crew the lead in the 10th, and Riske shut them down. Nothing like getting the year started with a great win.
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