C'mon man, 2.4 million. Get out of here with that piddly ass bullshit. You actually think that 2.4 million is worth the shit I do for this franchise? I outhit Miguel Fucking Tejada last year. He's going to make 13 this coming season. I am way better than that pussy.
Speaking of pussy, why do you think all the quality tang comes on down to the park huh? It ain't so they can compare cup sizes with Son of Clung that chubby mother fucker. It's these babies right here.
Hell, I cause a tsunami of vaginal moisture that can flood the Fox River Valley the moment the flash these babies on the scoreboard. Why the hell do you think carpet cleaners in the area have been flying off the shelves? The reason I only asked for 3.05 million is because you need the extra 450 thousand for the labor and mops to clean up that shit. You can make that money back easily with the Bounty sponsorship dollars I'm gonna be bringing in. Check out the commercial:
[Husband] Honey, why is there a puddle on the floor?
[Wife] Sorry sweetie, I just saw JJ Hardy on the TV and couldn't help it. It was like Niagra falls in my nether regions.
[Husband] So are you going to take care of it, or am I going to have to bust out the Rubber Hose agian?
[Wife] Don't worry, we have this-
[Wife] Bounty's quilts absorb messes like when Timmy knocks over his juice, or I get a little too excited about that ridiculously gorgeous Short Stop.
[Husband] I'm just glad you and I both have a passion for sports. Thank goodness for Bounty.
[Voice-over] Bounty, JJ Hardy proofing Southeast Wisconsin floors since 2005
Yeah, how do you like that shit, huh? I can see Bissell, Hoover, So-Dri, and Viva signing on. Have you seen AstroGlide's new slogan? "AstroGlide, when you can't find a picture of JJ Hardy." You'll be printing money with these babies.
2.4 million. Shit. You better hope the arbiter isn't gay, or a woman. You got no shot then Dougie. It'll be over before you can say 786 OPS.
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